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#Dearme I know I’m a little late!

Guys I actually do like this trend video ha ha! I’ve seen some really nice ones. I’ve been thinking of doing a video, but I love letters! So here is a letter to my teenage self. What I would say to my past self if I could.

Dear self,

I know high school for you is a mix of some fun, confusion, pain, and feeling different from many of your peers. Back then I really didn’t meet many people that liked anime, Japanese music, and video games. My main friends were nice and say “oh yea I think my brother likes that”. There were a nice few anime fans I met and others were very difficult people and annoying. Don’t worry you are going to meet some really awesome people in college. You were so cool cause you just liked what you did and didn’t care that it wasn’t something everyone else was into. You’re awesome like that!

I know your going through a really bad time in your life as well. Senior year was rough. You were unsure about college since you didn’t like school while people around you seemed to know where they were headed. You revealed a big secret you had been keeping from your mother. Your best friend had actually been your girlfriend for awhile. She was angry not because it was a girl, but because it was a secret. The tension at home was so bad and we argued every time we were in the same room. We were also arguing about my current boyfriend that I wasn’t allowed to see. He was lame boyfriend whom was wrapped up in his own thoughts. He was a high school drop out that couldn’t keep a job. He believed the kind of jobs he worked were beneath him even though his family really could have used his help. So he usually quit or let himself get fired. At the time I was allowed to use the car so I was accused of going in seeing him when I never did.

At that time my feelings for this guy were fading. We really had nothing in common. Whenever we did go out he would complain. He wanted to sit at home and watch movies and play video games. Well the type of games I really don’t like such as sports so one of us was always annoyed. I was caught up in the excitement because I just had poor self-esteem. I felt unfeminine, chubby, and just not attractive. I know some girls told me I need to dress different. I need to wear smaller clothes and show off my chest more. Otherwise guys don’t notice you. I’m glad I never listened to that. I was like “screw that I got my hubby overseas!” I was so in love the musician Gackt back then. My friends thought I was weird for having pictures of this Japanese guy on my folders. They were nice though and make light-hearted jokes about it.

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I was glad afterwards that my mom kept me from seeing him. I think I was excited that someone liked me, but we didn’t want the same things or like anything similar. I was severely depressed though. I was glad to go to school, but hated coming home to arguing. I would cry a lot in the parking lot those days. Stay strong! I know this is one of the worst times you have lived through. It was the worst because I felt so alone during that time. I really didn’t know how to handle it. I had a seizure (?) at school. I think that is what it was I never saw a doctor. I just lost control of my legs and collapsed on the floor. I saw my peers and teacher trying to talk to me, but I couldn’t move or speak for probably five or ten minutes. Don’t worry Steph, this won’t happen again! You were feeling stress from so many different things and you were so scared because you didn’t know when things would get better or if they would. Its hard to be a teenager.

It gets better! So much better! Please don’t fear that home will always feel that way. I know you are alone, but that won’t last. This is just a bad phase and your mother also has many worries in her own mind. She just realized her daughter had this life she knew nothing of and is having a hard time understanding. You are going to have a great time in college, you’re going to be beautiful, and you’re going to meet awesome people. You are going to have an awesome boyfriend! You will be happy. So don’t feel hopeless! It will all be okay!

Love,

Yourself always ❤

Ah it is a little long, but let me know if you can relate. Or if you have made a  #dearme post/ video let me know and I will check it out! Thanks for reading!

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